i am the we we once were

The spare room in the cosy house on Amsterdamseweg has been my home before. One we shared giggles and highs in the dining room, surrounded by clouds of smoke and a smell which most people associate with Amsterdam. The we of 2003 got drunk and made a 3ft snow-cock on new years day. Another we made out in the double bed without care for the noisey coils and springs. Yet a different we were only friends in that same bed, sharing a tea and small talk before an innocent sleepover. And we even shared our first kiss here, and our last. Now the bed is mine and mine alone. I appreciate the extra space to exericse my newly adopted star-shape sleeping pattern, but my dreams are a mix between the traditional surreal, strange & random and the company i once kept, minor regrets & here as a place for mini vacations.

One of this weeks hobbies has been looking out the large and traditionally Dutch window on to the busy street below. The much hyped indian summer has surrendered to a cold and damp autumn.

The big picture which sometimes stares back at me has changed. The pretty street is more recognisable but still busy. It's now european and not asian. Different accents are heard but still not fully understood. When i venture out into the picture, i mostly feel like what i am; a foreign alien waiting to be processed into the Dutch social system. Temporarily un-able to fully fuction in my new home. Waiting. Frustrating.

"the grand essentials of happiness are; something to do, someone to love and something to hope for" Allan K Chalmers.

Bit by bit.

Funny how some of lifes transitions are seamless, yet the ones you think will be seamless often require that extra bit of effort and spirit. On the other hand, i'm in Amsterdam with an abundance of free time, a modest savings account card in my wallet and the big picture in the window has just presented a rainbow.

I always liked that other hand.